REVIEW: Resident Evil - Retribution

By the time a film series reaches it's fifth instalment - especially a horror film series based on a video game franchise - it's pretty much game over.

Resident Evil - Retribution doesn't really do anything to try and lift this curse as it falls into the many traps and pitfalls that other horror franchises have done that have come before it.

The film follows Alice (Milla Jovovich) who is still being relentlessly stalked by the Umbrella Corporation and their deadly T-Virus. This time, she is being attacked by Jill Valentine (Sienna Guillory) who now works for Umbrella (after being an ally for Alice in earlier film, Resident Evil - Apocalypse). Alice is captured and being held in an underwater testing facility off the coast of Russia where Umbrella has created many scenarios to test the T-Virus to showcase it to many nations across the globe and start a new viral weaponry arms race. It's a ridiculously grandiose storyline for a film that largely takes place in an underground facility (much like the first film, back in 2002). This time, Alice is joined by Ada Wong (Bingbing Li), Leon S. Kennedy (Johann Urb) and Luther West (Boris Kodjoe), while she is also lumbered with a cloned daughter, Becky (Aryana Engineer) - no joke! However, Retribution isn't happy with just bringing in some new recognisable faces from the game series, it also reintroduces some old faces from the film series in the form of Rain (Michelle Rodriguez), Carlos (Oded Fehr) and James 'One' Shade (Colin Salmon) - the dude who gets diced up by the lasers in the first film.

So as you can see, Resident Evil - Retribution is a complete miss-mash of established film characters and well-known game characters and it's exactly what you'd expect from the fifth film in a series. The narrative is getting so complex by now that it's hard to remember who's who, who works for who, who is a clone and who is real. In fact, I'm still not really sure on the who's real and who's a clone.

But, despite having an overly complex character list, Retribution has no plot. Well, almost no plot.

The film takes it back to 2002, back to the original film, and creates a plot that is basically a copy of what we've had before. There's an underground/underwater facility, a timer/bombs which provides the countdown to when the characters have to be out by, a rescue mission to get someone out of the facility (it just happens to be Alice this time) and lots and lots of zombies and other 'biohazards'. While I liked this simplistic plot in the first film, for a fifth film it felt like a little bit of a cop-out. You'd expect something to happen to finally take down the Umbrella Corporation or to finally put a cap on the T-Virus, but no. Instead the characters take down a disused Umbrella testing facility that has already been used to spread the T-Virus across the globe. So, when the bombs finally go off at the end, it doesn't really do anything to the Corporation or the spread of the virus.

However, despite having problems with the basics, Director Paul W.S. Anderson sets out to prove that he is a Director who can still let his style shine through, despite being clouded by a dodgy script. For the first time since the first film, Retribution attempts to add some horror and suspense (mainly in the "Suburbia" testing scenario), where Alice and her clone daughter, Becky are creeping around into attics and wardrobes to hide from a zombie attack. He also knows how to stage a good (albeit slightly cheesy) action scene - particular highlights include Alice's first fight against the zombies from the Tokyo testing scenario where she kills a horde of zombies with just a pistol and a chain and the giant mutated Licker chase scene through the Russia testing scenario.

It's just a shame that his action direction isn't as strong as his writing skills, because Retribution features some of the worst dialogue I have seen in a long time. When Alice "argues" with Luther West about trying to save her clone daughter, Becky at the end of the film, I was cringing in my seat. I don't think Jovovich could have played the scene any more deadpan than she actually did. If it was just painful dialogue, then it would have been bearable, but unfortunately Anderson's weak script is also full of plot holes (more so than in your average Resident Evil flick, I would argue). The 'real' Alice somehow knows how to do sign language to her deaf clone daughter and clones manage to easily navigate their way through to different scenarios are just a couple. (The latter might not seem like a massive plot hole, but when you realise that the different testing scenarios were constantly full of those infected by the T-Virus in order to stage an outbreak, containing that outbreak was imperative.)

I could go on and on really, but it wouldn't be fair. Resident Evil - Retribution is what it is and I'm happy to sit back and say this. By now, you're either a fan of the Resident Evil films, think they are utter tripe or haven't seen a single one of them. To be fair to Retribution, it does pick up some of the slack left behind by the boring Afterlife that came before it, but there's no denying that the Resident Evil series by now is lacking some bite.

**½ / *****

REVIEW: House At The End Of The Street

There's something about the horror genre. Something that means that it can rarely play it 'straight' anymore.

It's a genre so well-trodden that it means to keep entertaining it's audience, many of them have taken the post-modern route. We are so familiar with horror films as an audience, that it would be unbelievable for the characters we see on screen to not be aware of the horror cliches either.

Unfortunately, House at the End of the Street plays it's characters so blandly that they fall for almost all horror cliches going.

The film follows a young Elissa (Jennifer Lawrence) who moves into a new countryside home with her Mother, Sarah (Elisabeth Shue). Fortunately for them, the house was so cheap because the house next door saw a terrible crime - a whole family was murdered by their young daughter, Carrie-Ann (Eva Link). However, they soon learn from their bitchy neighbours that the house isn't as empty as they thought it was, because the only surviving member of the family, Ryan (Max Thierot) decides to live a reclusive lifestyle on his own in the family home. As the audience, we quickly realise that Ryan's quiet life isn't as peaceful as he makes it out to be, but unfortunately it takes the characters a lot longer to work this out. What follows is a game of who to trust, and Elissa wants to befriend Ryan, Sarah doesn't want her daughter anywhere near him and the rest of the residents want Ryan to leave their town for good.

Now, as I've already mentioned, the main problem with The House at the End of the Street is that it's a film that feels really outdated. Characters will readily go and investigate a strange noise or go and investigate a dark basement on their own, with no real fear for their life. It's pretty standard horror fare stuff, that even someone who isn't the least bit interested in horror films will understand is a bad idea, yet the characters in this film don't even make a passing mention to it. The most glaring example I can think of is when one of the many times that Elissa is home alone at night and she steps outside to investigate a strange noise (instead of barricading herself inside), only for a friend from school to sneak up behind and "scare the piss" out of her. In fact, it's one of the only few times that the film tries to successfully build tension, yet it's completely blown away by a shockingly cliched fright.

It wouldn't be so bad if the underwritten characters were being driven by decent performances, but it felt like every actor was in this film for the pay-check. I was particularly disappointed in Jennifer Lawrence and her poor decision to star in this film. Fresh off the back of The Hunger Games, I'm sure that she had offers coming in all the time, but I think she need to learn that a bad script cannot be changed into a good film. She didn't really add anything to her paper-thin character - Elissa wants to help Ryan... why? Well, we're never really told except for her Mother saying that she likes to try and change people. The performance from Elisabeth Shue also wasn't particularly inspiring. She had a chance with a brilliantly awkward scene, which involved the Mother vocally airing her distrust for Ryan and wanting him to stay away from her daughter, but instead she plays the scene quietly and timidly.

Say what you will about horror films - and many say that they are predictable - but House at the End of the Street tries to challenge the predictability of horror film narratives. It doesn't play so much of a whodunit, but more of a whydunit. It's obvious from the very beginning as to who the culprit is, but the second half of the film tries to tease the audience with the motive behind their actions. While it's not a completely original twist (many people have made comparisons to Psycho and the lesser-known Sleepaway Camp) but I must admit that it caught me out until near the end - I thought I had it all sussed out, but then it threw one last curveball.

However, unfortunately the choice in going for a whydunit means that the first half of the film feels a bit stale. It's not made explicitly obvious who the culprit is until about halfway through the film (even though it's painfully obvious) which means that it falls to the development of characters to try and keep it's audience's attention... but, it's like the most boring episode of the OC, ever. We have the seemingly nice boy, Tyler (Nolan Gerard Funk) who turns out to be a complete tool. There is also the grungey outcast girl, Jillian (Allie MacDonald) who can't handle her alcohol at the cool kids party. And of course, the quiet new girl with Elissa. They're like stereotype cut-outs of teen soap opera dramas and they're very very boring.

So, if you like your horror not very scary, with some weak teen drama in the mix, but with a pretty decent (but not original) twist to the story, then House at the End of the Street will be right up your... street. If not and you are a die-hard horror genre fan, I'd make a U-Turn and give this one a bit of a miss. (See what I did there?!)

** / *****

REVIEW: Tower Block

The dangers of a tower block. We already know them to be breeding grounds for drugs and violence, but new Brit thriller Tower Block also wants to add crazed sniper to that list.

Tower Block follows the last group of residents on the top floor of a tower block as the await to be rehoused before the crumbling tower is demolished. However, when a young boy is beaten to death right outside their doors, the residents decide to lock themselves away and refuse to talk to the police, rather than help. In fact, it's only the feisty Becky (Sheridan Smith) who tries to have a go at helping before getting knocked out, but even she remains tight lipped. Three months later and a mysterious sniper has the tower block on lockdown and the rag tag group of remaining residents must try and band together to find a way out of the tower block or wait to be picked off one-by-one.

Now, I'll probably get trashed for this one (again!) but Tower Block is yet another film that uses the locale of an ageing tower block to come out this year (see The Raid and Dredd 3D). However, it's safe to say that the location is where the similarities end. Rather than having the villain holed up in the top floor of the building and having he hero's trying to find their way to the top, our hero is already at the top floor, the villain is seemingly untouchable in a different tower block and it's a desperate attempt to find a way out. However, a setting is nothing if the Directors (James Nunn and Ronnie Thompson) and Director of Photography (Ben Moulden) didn't know what to do with it. Say what you like about our Brit flicks (whether you find them too slow or too low budget) but we certainly know how to make a beautiful looking film. The camera work and mise-en-scene to this film is brilliant. The sweeping shot across Becky's flat, as she hides inside and the young boy is being beaten up outside, is just one example of the interesting filmmaking on show here. My only criticism can be that I don't think the gritty setting was used to it's fullest (there were floors and floors of empty and decaying old flats and corridors that could have been used.)

Tower Block's main strength doesn't really lie in it's gritty locale as it falls mainly to the leading roles of Becky (Smith) and Kurtis (Jack O'Connell). They really do hold this film together and really do well with what they have been given. Unfortunately for Smith, she is the one that is given the least to work with. She's a plays a feisty young girl who lives an independent lonely life on her own (shown to us when she brings a date home for a one night stand), but her character arc never really goes anywhere - she's still feisty at the end and still alone. However, O'Connell really has a meaty role and is arguably more of the lead character out of the two of them. He plays Kurtis, a loveable lone rogue who makes the residents of the tower block pay him £20 a week so he won't break into their flats. It's only when the proverbial hits the fan that he reluctantly bands together with the rest of the residents to try and find a way out together. The fact that we see him struggle with this helps his character to develop and become more likeable (unlike Smith's character, who is all too ready to join forces) and also have a few funny one-liners in the process.

But it's not all smooth sailing for Tower Block as there are two main pitfalls which really hold the film back. Unfortunately for Smith and O'Connell, even though they do really well with the roles that they were given, the rest of the supporting cast are rather underdeveloped and underacted. Characters like Jenny (Montserrate Lombard) have brilliantly silly scenes (she plays a young chavvy Mother, who constantly shouts at her kids), yet when she is grieving over their deaths, she is barely given any screen time for us to actually care. Carol (Julie Graham) and her son Daniel (Harry McEntire) suffer a similar fate when we just don't seem to care that they have lost their Husband and Father - and neither do they. Bad writing or bad acting? I'd probably go with the former. It's only really when Neville (Ralph Brown) looses his wife, Violet (Jill Baker) and sits silently in the corridor stroking her hair on his lap, that we really get any insight into the loss that these characters are experiencing.

It's basically the bad writing that really holds the film back. Characters are given silly on-the-nose dialogue which sounds really stilted and staged at times - when Carol delivers her "You're not in control anymore" speech is where it's especially evident. The underdeveloped characters also really hinder the reveal of the mad sniper. Their motive is extremely weak and completely laughable - it seems that writer, James Moran doesn't understand that a compelling villain is just as important as interesting protagonists. The villain in Tower Block is given zero backstory and is in no way personally involved with what they wanted revenge for that it makes me wonder if the film would have benefitted from having a faceless villain.

However, the biggest crime against the writing and structure of the film is the fact that some parts really do drag. What we are given is a whodunnit mystery narrative, where we try and guess who the killer is, but we are only really given one potential suspect. So, the film is basically left for us to just wait until the next death scene, which to be honest gets quite boring.

Overall, Tower Block had great potential to be another brilliantly British affair, following in the footsteps of Attack the Block and the more recent The Sweeney, however underdeveloped characters and a weak storyline means that the film greatly suffers.

**½ / *****

REVIEW: The Sweeney

Not all remakes of old TV shows have been successful in trying to take themselves seriously. Starsky and Hutch (2004) turned into a bit of a weak attempt at comedy and Miami Vice (2006) sucked all the fun out to make a brooding, and quite boring, film.

The Sweeney decides to take the Miami Vice route, in trying to make a much more serious take on it's source material. However, where The Sweeney succeeds is that it takes us on a journey with quite likeable characters and some tense action scenes along the way.

The Sweeney follows Jack Reagan (Ray Winstone), a bent cop who doesn't always play by the rules. His methods are argued to be old-fashioned, so he and his team are being investigated by Ivan Lewis (Steven Mackintosh), an Internal Affairs officer who has come to scrutinise them. However, as in all good film plot twists, it's not just Reagan's policing methods that Lewis should be worried about, because Reagan is also sleeping with Lewis' wife and fellow Policewoman, Nancy (Hayley Atwell). After ignoring orders, a shootout in a London bank goes horribly wrong and Reagan is sent to the prison where he has sent many of his past criminals. But, his young protege, George Carter (Ben Drew aka. Plan B) soon manages to release him to bring down an old adversary, Allen (Paul Anderson) and ensure that their Sweeney department lives on for good.

Now, where The Sweeney makes it's first major positive impression is just how tense and serious it takes it's subject matter. In a jewellery shop raid, a supposed innocent member of the public is mercilessly gunned down by the thieves. Halfway through the film, there is an extremely tense car park scene where Reagan and Nancy are chasing after the bank robbers in silence only for one of them to pop up in the back seat of a car. Then there's the finale with a brilliantly British car chase scene through a caravan holiday park. While the direction by Nick Love was pretty standard through more of the quieter scenes, he really shines in directing a tense action scene, with guns blazing and car tyres screeching.

But, the action on screen would be nowhere near as tense if it didn't have likeable characters behind it. While The Sweeney does resort to the cheeky Cockney stereotype with excessive swearing, Ray Winstone as the likeable rogue and Ben Drew as the bad kid turned good do really well with the central roles that they are given. They balance their character flaws well against their love for the Police force and wanting to dish out justice. For example, Reagan is shown near the beginning of the film selling on some gold from a raid they have just done (which is never really taken any further), but his love for his work and Nancy really help flesh out his character to a more balanced individual - we can accept his flaws in resorting to petty theft from a crime scene, because his girlfriend won't leave her unloving husband and his work place is under constant scrutiny.

Despite all the positives, The Sweeney does have some flaws and they are mainly due to the writing. A lot of the film seems rather underdeveloped, especially involving character developments and relationships. Like I said previously, Reagan is shown at the beginning to steal from crime scenes to earn extra cash, but he never really makes the full character arc of making the decision to become straight by the end of the film and not resort to stealing anymore (while we don't see him steal anything else, he isn't challenged by anyone about it.)

Another major underdevelopment in the script of The Sweeney was the main villain, Allen. His motives weren't clear, his previous involvement with Reagan and Carter wasn't fully explained and he just wasn't threatening enough as a villain. While you could easily blame Paul Anderson for the performance, I can't help but feel that the flaws truly lies with the scriptwriting, because Anderson is never really given enough to work with. His character doesn't do anything to make him a nasty person (despite a shoot-out near the end of the film) or to show his motives behind the crime. All it needed was a flashback (kinda cheesy though) or an explanation of some kind to show how Allen was previously involved with Reagan and Carter to make the whole film feel more personal and tense, because as it stands, it felt like the audience was watching just another episode of The Sweeney where they need to solve a crime rather than something that was personal to them.

Finally, it's the key relationship between Reagan and Nancy that acts as the key crux to the film and the reason why Reagan wants to take down Allen and his crime gang. I could have dealt with the slightly awkward sight of seeing the beautiful Hayley Atwell bed down with the ageing Ray Winstone if their characters were given a decent reason for falling for each other. Sure, Reagan is just amazed that this beauty wants to sleep with him, but Nancy is never really given a proper reason as to why she fell for Reagan. Sure, her husband is unloving towards her, but is that a reason to fall for her older, overweight,  crooked Police partner? All it needed was some further development to show what Reagan had done for Nancy (maybe help her move out from her husbands house or show him helping her after a particularly nasty argument with her husband) and it would have been a bit easier to understand.

So, if you like your tense British crime flicks, then The Sweeney certainly delivers on all those fronts, it's just a shame that the film felt a little bit half developed and characters being under utilised.

***½ / *****

REVIEW: ParaNorman

I think I've said this before, but it's worth saying again. Many children's animated films must tread the careful line between being clever and funny enough to attract the parent crowd but also be funny and fast-paced enough to keep the little ones entertained.

ParaNorman however decides to kind of go against the grain and make an animated film that is arguably more aimed at the parents than the children. Out is the fast-paced, inane actions of such characters like in the Looney Toons and in are some subtle nods to 80s horror and a much deeper storyline than you'd expect from a light children's film.

ParaNorman follows the titular character Norman (voiced by Kodi Smit-McPhee) who is considered an outcast at school because he openly admits that he can speak to the dead. The only person who will believe in him is overweight, Neil (voiced by Tucker Albrizzi) who can sympathise with Norman because he is also considered an outcast. They live in a town, Blithe Hollow that believed to be under a Witches curse, however most of the residents use this to their advantage to sell to tourists rather than actually fear the Witch. One day, Norman's estranged Uncle dies and his ghost tells Norman that he must read from a special book in order to keep Aggie the Witch (voiced by Jodelle Ferland) at bay. However, when Norman initially refuses, a mystical storm engulfs the town which also raises the dead. Norman must team together with his friend Neil, his sister Courtney (voiced by Anna Kendrick), Neil's older brother Mitch (voiced by Casey Affleck) and the school bully Alvin (voiced by Christopher Mintz-Plasse) in order to save his town and learn the truth behind the Witch's curse.

Now, where ParaNorman firstly succeeds (especially in attracting it's older audience) is it's subtle and brilliant nods to 80s horror. In the opening 5 minutes, Norman tells him Mother that he is watching "sex and violence" (when the 1980s were the height of the Video Nasty 'outbreak' for many horror films), the quiet beat of the retro soundtrack just oozed the feeling of George A Romero's Living Dead original trilogy and Norman's passion for zombie films was just the cherry on the top of the cake for horror fans. While the film still does feature some immature sight gags and bodily function jokes, it almost felt like the children in my cinema audience were taking a sideline, because ParaNorman definitely felt like it was a film for the grown-ups.

Secondly, and most importantly, ParaNorman felt like a fully developed story in something that you would find in a more grown-up film. Without giving the finale away, the Witch's curse is revealed to be down to how the town had double crossed the witch, how they had misunderstood her and how people can sometimes be quite ignorant to one another. It wasn't your typical 'boy falls in love with girl' or 'outsider becomes popular' storyline that you would expect to see from a children's film. While some people may argue that the complicated storyline in ParaNorman can lose it's primary younger audience, I would happily sit here and argue otherwise with them. The film still does include adolescent problems that you would expect in a children's film (like Norman's sister trying to attract the attention of Mitch or how Norman deals with bullies at his school), but they almost feel sidelined, especially when it comes to the grand finale.

However, ParaNorman not only has strengths in it's storyline, but visually it is gorgeous to look at. The set design of the town is pretty simple, but it keeps out attention on the loveable detail paid to the characters. In a world where we are now bombarded with CGI animation that seems devoid of any soul behind it (like the Madagascar and Ice Age series, to name but a few), it's refreshing to see film companies like Laika Entertainment and the crew behind it devote the time, effort and love behind stop-motion animation. Let's just hope that other film companies see this so we can get more traditional stop-motion and hand-drawn animations out there!

One of the only issues and buzz with ParaNorman at the moment seems to be the age rating given to the film. In the UK, it's rated a PG which means that anyone can see the film, but Parents may wish to check out the film first before taking younger viewers. While some people online have taken to complaining about the homosexual reference thrown into the film at the end (I don't see the problem really), I'd probably largely warn parents over the horror elements to the story. There are a couple of jump scares (the biggest one being an extremely loud witch's scream) which could be considered inappropriate for younger viewers, but the film's finale is pretty heavy going for the younger viewers when the Witch's identity is revealed. Let's just say, the towns folk weren't too kind to the Witch or her family and the Witch must find peace to move on to the afterlife and leave her grudge behind her.

Overall, ParaNorman is a delight for the grown-ups, providing some laughs and loving winks towards the horror genre to compliment the beautiful looking film with the brilliant voice acting. However, some could argue that it's a little too much for younger viewers, so would you want to be seen in the middle of a cinema showing an animated feature without any of the little sprogs in tow?!

**** / *****

REVIEW: Dredd 3D

Second up on the list of 1990s action/Sci-Fi remakes is Dredd 3D, the loose remake of the first film, Judge Dredd (1995) starring Sylvester Stallone.

While the original film is criticised for being too much of a Stallone vehicle which strayed to far away from the original source material, Dredd 3D sets out to take the Judge back to what he does best, dishing out the law, shooting a lot of people and keeping his helmet firmly on.

Dredd follows Judge Dredd (Karl Urban) who works as an urban policeman in the futuristic America, which is now a wasteland except from the sprawling urban area, known as Mega City One. The Judges  are empowered to be judge, jury and executioner, with a set of very strict laws meaning that vigilantes and thieves can be executed on the spot by the Judges. Dredd is teamed up with rookie, Judge Anderson (Olivia Thirlby) by his superior, Chief Judge (Rakie Ayola) because she is a mutant from the nuclear fallout that means she possesses psychic abilities, however she isn't very good with a gun. Anderson chooses the investigate three homocides at The Peach Tree, a 200 storey building that has been taken over by prostitute-turned-drug lord, Mama (Lena Heady) for her illegal drug, Slo-Mo. When Mama traps the two judges in the building, it's either climb to the top, killing endless amounts of henchmen on the way to kill Mama or be killed themselves.

Now, first off, this film is extremely similar to the film released earlier this year, The Raid. While both films were in production around the same time as each other, it has to be said that Dredd 3D has not simply copied The Raid. It's obvious when you see the film, because The Raid is much better. Unfortunately for Dredd 3D it becomes a little repetitive - the henchmen all mould into one, the floors all mesh into one and the setting of The Peach Tree is just pretty bland for a futuristic Sci-Fi film. Whereas The Raid had thrilling hand-to-hand martial arts combat fights, Dredd 3D is just as brutal, but it relies on weaponry far too much for it's fight scenes, which somehow manages to drain all the tension from the fight scenes, because characters can be dispatched in seconds.

There are no drawn-out fight scenes where you're not sure who's going to win in Dredd 3D. In fact, the most tension in the fight scenes arise when Dredd tells one of his villains to "Wait!" Nothing more, just to wait. Anderson then happens to stumble across them so she can swiftly shoot the villain in the head. That's it... done.

However, it's not all bad with Dredd 3D. First off, the violence in the film is something that I wasn't expecting. For some reason, I didn't check the rating of the film beforehand, but I have to say that this film earned it's 18 rating. The use of the drug Slo-Mo (which makes the characters feel like time is moving at a hundredth of normal speed) creates some beautifully violent scenes - a man's chest is hit hard from an explosion, another man's jaw is ripped apart as a bullet ploughs through it... The list goes on!

Another strong point of the film was it's directional style. While the 3D didn't really add much to the film except for the sense of depth, the sweeping shots of Mega City One and the framing of certain action scenes really captured the essence of the original source material. Point-Of-View shots as henchmen are thrown down the entire 200 floors of The Peach Tree and the Slo-Mo action scenes almost rival the gritty filming style of The Raid. It's really something to behold when a film studio actually have the guts to release a hardcore 18 rated action film nowadays, as it's too common for films to receive a lower rating to try and appeal to a wider audience. It's also refreshing to see a film so obviously geared towards the violent-loving male crowd without a hint of anything for the females (unless your a girl who likes her violence?!) So many times I've had to sit through an action film which involves a largely underdeveloped romantic sub-plot to try and widen the target audience, but Dredd 3D doesn't even try to do this.

While the ending could be misunderstood as Dredd starting to love Anderson, I like to think that he was actually starting to like her new violent attitude.

Having said that, despite a very strong set-up, promising an ultra-violent film, Dredd 3D is largely let-down by a lacklustre finale. Heady as the evil Mama is at times a little underwhelming. She has a very interesting character set-up and is at times brilliantly low-key in her malice towards Dredd and Anderson, however I just didn't fully understand her motivations to lock them both in the tower. Sure, she had a henchman that was about to be taken in for questioning that could reveal her drug selling and making at The Peach Tree, but surely she could have just executed him before he left?

But, I can accept all of that and overlook it, but the finale for Dredd 3D is so underwhelming that it practically made the whole film pointless. Dredd and Anderson make it up to Mama's penthouse suite on the top floor and much like the rest of the film, instead of a long drawn out battle, Mama is defeated within seconds of them getting there. There's hardly any struggle, there's hardly any pain and Mama certainly doesn't really suffer for any of the pain that she has caused. It just... finishes. I kind of felt like I wanted my money back and come back when they come up with a more fantastical finale.

So, if you can overlook a very underwhelming finale, then Dredd 3D is not a bad film. Sure, Dredd 3D is inferior to The Raid, but it's not a completely bad film - it just felt like the finale and the fight scenes needed a little bit more work.

*** / *****

REVIEW: Total Recall

First up on the double bill on 1990s Sci-Fi remakes is the Arnie classic, Total Recall. The original, released in 1990, was a fun and silly romp through Earth and Mars where Schwarzenegger was fighting against forces who thought he was a secret agent spy. The twist? Was it real or was it all recall in his head?

However, flash forward twenty two years and Hollywood has given Total Recall the remake treatment, swapping Arnie with Colin Farrell. The remake decides to throw out the comedy, charm and Mars from the script and keeps it stuck on Earth with the basic same plot outline... except the twist has been removed completely. It doesn't look good, does it?!

Earth has been ravaged by war and nuclear fallout. The only inhabitable places left are the UK and parts of Europe, known as the United Federation of Britain (UFB), and the Colony, which was formally Austrailia. While the rich live a lavish lifestyle in the UFB, the inhabitants of the Colony face a 17 minute trip through the centre of the Earth (known as 'The Fall') to go and work for the rich in the UFB. Total Recall follows factory worker, Douglas Quaid (Colin Farrell) who lives with his beautiful wife, Lori Quaid (Kate Beckinsale) in the Colony. Upon hearing about Rekall, where they can implant the perfect memories into your mind as if you have really lived them, Quaid sets about to have the memories of being a secret spy set into his mind. However, when the procedure goes wrong, Quaid finds himself on the run from his police and his wife. With only the help of fellow secret agent, Melina (Jessica Biel) Quaid must recall as much of his previous life as secret agent as he can to hunt down the terrorist leader Matthias (Bill Nighy) to help him bring down 'The Fall' and the power that the UFB have over the Colony before it's too late.

First of all, I have to admit that the basic plot outline for Total Recall is not too bad. While I'm not a massive fan of Sci-Fi films being completely contained on Earth (it doesn't feel very scientific... and not much scope to include much fantastical elements) this film did a decent job of updating the world as we know it to a fantasy world that could be set in the future - however, The Colony did seem to be more like what we saw in Blade Runner rather than something completely original. To be honest, I even liked the idea of 'The Fall' - an express elevator ride between The UFB and The Colony for workers - even with it's cheesy gravity shift when it reaches the core. Having said all that, the major thing that this film was missing was Mars and the mutants from the original. Yes, the prostitute with the three breasts is back in this film (the only slight hint at the mutants in this film) but she feels a bit thrown in. Every other character in this film falls into a bland shadow that could easily fade into the background. On top of all that, they're too serious! I even felt myself missing Arnie's crazy gurning comedy faces from the original Total Recall.

That is the most major problem with Total Recall. It's just bland all over. Director, Len Wiseman (from the Underworld series of films) doesn't take the style of the film firmly enough into film noir territory (like Blade Runner) to make it a tense action film, but then he has taken all the wit and charm out from the original to make it a light-hearted film either. It falls somewhere in the middle, not quite being either type of film, and ends up feeling rather... blah. Wiseman's directing also doesn't feel fully developed yet. Despite the film trying to be an all-out action Sci-Fi film, the pacing sometimes feels a little slow and occasionally Wiseman throws in things like the single take fight scene when Quiad is first attacked by the Police, which also brings the pace of the film right down.

The final problem with Total Recall is that it takes out all the originality of the original 1990 film. The original really posed the question to the audience, "What is Real?" Whereas the new film hands the answer to the audience on a plate. There was one shining light in the remake, where Quaid is on the run from the Police and his wife but is confronted by his friend, Harry (Bokeem Woodbine) who tries to convince Quaid that it's all in his head. What follows is a tense minute or so where Quaid begins to question his motives and whether he really is who he thinks he is. However, all tension is then dashed as we are shown that Quaid was being lied to by Harry. Surely that kind of thing should have been left out to keep the question in the audience's head throughout the entire film rather than have it there for a couple of minutes?!

Instead, what Total Recall really ends up being is a watered down simplistic version of the original film. Sure there are well shot action and chase scenes, but the entire film is one big chase scene. There is hardly any substance behind the characters to make you feel like you are being told a proper story. The terrorist leader, Matthias is barely in the film, yet he is the crux of the entire story and the sole reason why Quaid is on the run from the authorities. For someone who wants to take down the strangle hold that The UFB has over The Colony, he doesn't really come across as a strong character that is believable as the leader of a terrorist group. Another major casting problem was Jessica Biel as Melina. In the original, Arnie teams up with a headstrong stripper in order to find out the truth, however Melina in the remake is just a bland secret agent with hardly any backstory, who seems to just be there to shoot a gun and look pretty. While I am inclined to blame the underdeveloped character and scriptwriting, I feel that some of the blame also must lie with Biel herself as she plans it completely deadpan throughout.

So, if you like your films to be thin on story but heavy on chase and action scenes, then Total Recall might be right up your street. However, fans of the original 1990 film will probably find this film severely lacking in most parts and find themselves wanting to go home and stick in their DVD of Arnie to find out how a cheesy Sci-Fi film should really be made.

**½ / *****

REVIEW: The Possession

The horror genre is saturated. It's a rare occasion when a new horror film comes along that is both scary and fairly original.

However, what's more saturated than the horror genre? Try the sub-genre of demonic possession. It was done brilliantly with The Exorcist in 1973 and has had many imitators since. By the time that The Possession has come along, it's a hard task to try and do anything differently.

The film follows a family who has recently separated. The two young girls, Em (Natasha Calis) and Hannah (Madison Davenport) live with their Mother, Stephanie (Kyra Sedgwick) and new boyfriend, Brett (Grant Show). However, on weekends their Father, Clyde (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) has custody and takes them to his new house that he has recently bought. When Clyde has the girls one weekend, they stop off at a 'yard sale', because Hannah mentions that he needs some new plates (second hand ones apparently?!), but Em finds an unusual box and becomes strongly attached to it. When Em finally opens the box, she starts acting strangely; she finds fingers in he back of her throat, is attacked by a plague of moths, starts hearing voices in her head and then starts taking on a second, more demonic, personality. Her Father, Clyde soon believes that she is possessed and sets about to enlist the help of a young Jewish man, Tzadok (Matisyahu) and team up with his ex-wife to try and banish the evil spirit for good and trap it back into the box.

If The Possession set out to try and prove that it was different to all the rest and more original, then unfortunately it failed. There is nothing here that we haven't seen before. We even get a scene of a young, pre-pubescent girl in her nightdress being attacked by a demonic force (as featured in the poster) which gives very strong throwbacks to The Exorcist, or many of the recent imitators such as The Exorcism of Emily Rose. The one shred of originality in The Possession is the fact that it bases the demonic legend within the Jewish faith, rather than traditionally with the Christian faith. However, it's short lived as most of the possession scenes involving Em and the final exorcism scenes at the end of the film run out exactly like that of previous films involving Christian demonic possessions.

Having said that, although The Possession is not at all original, it does still have a lot going for it. For starters, the casting and the acting within the film overall was very strong. The stand-out performance from relative newcomer Natasha Calis as Em was definitely a highlight; she switched between the innocent and helpless young girl to evil demon quite effortlessly. Jeffrey Dean Morgan does a fairly decent job of supporting Calis as the troubled Father, although he does seem to start believing that she is possessed by a demon fairly easily, but I'll blame that on the scriptwriting. The only casting I can really criticise is Kyra Sedgwick as the Mother. At times, her wide-eyed, deadpan quips back to the girls' Father became a little irritating and unfortunately she doesn't have a lot to do in the finale of the film when they are trying to exorcise their daughter of the demon (however, that last one can be blamed to the writing of the film again.)

One of the most interesting aspects of the film is how it tries to blend together the drama of a family going through a divorce mixed with the horror of a demonic possession. It could have really used this to it's advantage to add some extra conflict to the film, alongside the demon itself. While there is a hint of it in a scene where a possessed Em acts as if her Father is slapping her in front of her sister, Hannah (when really, he isn't) which results in the Father having his visitation rights removed, it felt like the film could have pushed this further to really show the strain between this already broken family. Instead, despite this one scene which mixes the horror and the drama very well, the film feels blocky in a sense that is spends about 10 minutes purely focused on the family troubles before shoving in a horror scene. It repeats this sequence up until the finale, which is probably the most tense part of the film, which is purely devoted to the generic exorcism scene. What would have been truly interesting is if someone had walked in on the exorcism and suspected the whole family of child abuse against the young Em, so the film could have again mixed the drama and horror elements together, rather than keeping them separate.

So, while The Possession is not exactly the most original film, there's no denying that it is competantly made. Director, Ole Bornedal has obviously worked closely with Cinematographer, Dan Laustsen to create a film that is quite beautiful to look at. While at times the musical score by Anton Sanko can be a little overdramatic, it does it's job in trying to create a sense of dread and suspense.

I've heard that the film was butchered in the editing room by the studio in order to lower the rating in America to a more "family friendly" PG-13 rating, so it will be interesting to see if we get an "Unrated" version anytime into the future.

*** / *****

REVIEW: Keith Lemon - The Film

Television and Cinema are two very different mediums that are used to tell very different stories. Fact. Some people may try to tell you that TV programmes are just like short films, but they are wrong.

So, that's why the road between making a TV show into a film has always been a rocky one. All you have to do is look at such efforts like Bewitched, The Inbetweeners and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to find prime examples of a TV show have all the magic drained out of it by trying to create a feature-length story.

Unfortunately, Keith Lemon - The Film is no different.

The film has a paper-thin plot that centres around the titular character, Keith Lemon (Leigh Francis) as he tries to take his Securi-Pole idea to the Inventions Convention in London. However, when his invention isn't well received, it's bad news for the one million Securi-Poles that he has ordered. When he can't pay off the debt, his girlfriend Rosie (Laura Aikin) is taken hostage by Evil Steve (also, Leigh Francis) unless Keith pays off the amount he owes. At the same time, Keith is given a pile of useless touch-screen phones by another inventor and he tries to flog them on live TV. When it seems that his new phone idea also won't take off, Keith sticks a lemon to the back of it and then everyone loves it. Keith becomes an overnight success, earning loads of money and bagging Kelly Brooke (playing herself) as a girlfriend. He forgets all about his trapped girlfriend and brother, Dougie (Kevin Bishop) at home and lives the high life, despite Archimedes/The Fixer (Verne Troyer) advising him otherwise. However, Keith inevitably looses his millions, looses Kelly Brooke and then eventually saves his girlfriend. Oh, along the way there are also lots of pointless cameos.

I've probably done the plot of the film more justice than it deserves. It's basically a rags to riches and back to rags storyline that has been done many times before (and probably much better.) While the plot of this film was never going to be put under scrutiny, it just felt like the writers, Leigh Francis and Paul Angunawela could have at least found something a little more fitting to be worthy for the big screen, because frankly it felt like something that could have just been acceptable for TV. I think the main issue for this is purely down to the fact that with this film, they were trying to create a whole film idea from a character and his well-known catchphrases. This character did not have an established storyline in their TV shows that the film could lampoon (Keith Lemon is most well-known for hosting Celebrity Juice – a guest panel show), so the film was stuck with having to use sight gags for laughs (like a premature ejaculation when he tries to sleep with Kelly Brook or having a midget in the form of Verne Troyer.)

That’s where the second and most glaring problem lies with Keith Lemon – The Film. For a film based on a comedic character, the film just wasn’t funny. The jokes were putrid, the humour was ridiculous and it felt like it was written by a 14 year old for other 14 year olds. Which is funny, because the film is rated for 15 years and over in the UK, so it cuts off its primary target audience. If you like silly catchphrases, sex jokes and comedy that relies on you finding bodily functions funny (the opening shot has Keith Lemon sleeping and waking up farting) then this film will be right up your street. Everyone else, basically what I’m trying to say is, give this film a wide bearth.

To be honest, I don’t really know what else to write here, because the film offered so little that there is hardly anything I can write about. The direction by Paul Angunawela is pretty bland with straightforward camera shots (over-the-shoulder, close-ups etc.) I think I liked one shot that was a helicopter shot sweeping over the top of London, but that was it. Kelly Brooke did a decent enough job in a role that was dedicated to poking fun at herself, however a couple of times the film seems to go a bit too far (the aforementioned premature sex scene and also a “romantic” meal where she lets Keith shove a sausage in her mouth. Yes, the comedy is right up there…)

So, it looks like this is going to be a series of firsts. My last post had my first five star review and now I also have my first 0 star review.

Keith Lemon – The Film has absolutely no redeeming qualities to it at all (well, maybe except Kelly Brooke in her underwear ever so often.) The comedy is non-existent and as a fan of Celebrity Juice, I just felt like Leigh Francis was taking the piss when he decided to release this film. Before watching this film, I never realised how unfunny a film could be.

0 / *****