REVIEW: Keith Lemon - The Film

Television and Cinema are two very different mediums that are used to tell very different stories. Fact. Some people may try to tell you that TV programmes are just like short films, but they are wrong.

So, that's why the road between making a TV show into a film has always been a rocky one. All you have to do is look at such efforts like Bewitched, The Inbetweeners and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to find prime examples of a TV show have all the magic drained out of it by trying to create a feature-length story.

Unfortunately, Keith Lemon - The Film is no different.

The film has a paper-thin plot that centres around the titular character, Keith Lemon (Leigh Francis) as he tries to take his Securi-Pole idea to the Inventions Convention in London. However, when his invention isn't well received, it's bad news for the one million Securi-Poles that he has ordered. When he can't pay off the debt, his girlfriend Rosie (Laura Aikin) is taken hostage by Evil Steve (also, Leigh Francis) unless Keith pays off the amount he owes. At the same time, Keith is given a pile of useless touch-screen phones by another inventor and he tries to flog them on live TV. When it seems that his new phone idea also won't take off, Keith sticks a lemon to the back of it and then everyone loves it. Keith becomes an overnight success, earning loads of money and bagging Kelly Brooke (playing herself) as a girlfriend. He forgets all about his trapped girlfriend and brother, Dougie (Kevin Bishop) at home and lives the high life, despite Archimedes/The Fixer (Verne Troyer) advising him otherwise. However, Keith inevitably looses his millions, looses Kelly Brooke and then eventually saves his girlfriend. Oh, along the way there are also lots of pointless cameos.

I've probably done the plot of the film more justice than it deserves. It's basically a rags to riches and back to rags storyline that has been done many times before (and probably much better.) While the plot of this film was never going to be put under scrutiny, it just felt like the writers, Leigh Francis and Paul Angunawela could have at least found something a little more fitting to be worthy for the big screen, because frankly it felt like something that could have just been acceptable for TV. I think the main issue for this is purely down to the fact that with this film, they were trying to create a whole film idea from a character and his well-known catchphrases. This character did not have an established storyline in their TV shows that the film could lampoon (Keith Lemon is most well-known for hosting Celebrity Juice – a guest panel show), so the film was stuck with having to use sight gags for laughs (like a premature ejaculation when he tries to sleep with Kelly Brook or having a midget in the form of Verne Troyer.)

That’s where the second and most glaring problem lies with Keith Lemon – The Film. For a film based on a comedic character, the film just wasn’t funny. The jokes were putrid, the humour was ridiculous and it felt like it was written by a 14 year old for other 14 year olds. Which is funny, because the film is rated for 15 years and over in the UK, so it cuts off its primary target audience. If you like silly catchphrases, sex jokes and comedy that relies on you finding bodily functions funny (the opening shot has Keith Lemon sleeping and waking up farting) then this film will be right up your street. Everyone else, basically what I’m trying to say is, give this film a wide bearth.

To be honest, I don’t really know what else to write here, because the film offered so little that there is hardly anything I can write about. The direction by Paul Angunawela is pretty bland with straightforward camera shots (over-the-shoulder, close-ups etc.) I think I liked one shot that was a helicopter shot sweeping over the top of London, but that was it. Kelly Brooke did a decent enough job in a role that was dedicated to poking fun at herself, however a couple of times the film seems to go a bit too far (the aforementioned premature sex scene and also a “romantic” meal where she lets Keith shove a sausage in her mouth. Yes, the comedy is right up there…)

So, it looks like this is going to be a series of firsts. My last post had my first five star review and now I also have my first 0 star review.

Keith Lemon – The Film has absolutely no redeeming qualities to it at all (well, maybe except Kelly Brooke in her underwear ever so often.) The comedy is non-existent and as a fan of Celebrity Juice, I just felt like Leigh Francis was taking the piss when he decided to release this film. Before watching this film, I never realised how unfunny a film could be.

0 / *****